Why Do Some People Have To Try So Hard!

I often find it extremely difficult to find true happiness or something as simple as walking around with a smile, in a world that is surrounded by so much pain. I try to block out my surroundings because I need to stay focused and motivated so that I do not pedal backwards, so I don’t have to keep hearing this damn record player that I can’t seem to get to shut the fuck up!

Way to often, I hear those around me bad mouthing anyone that resembles a homeless person, and without even giving the person a chance to make a mistake, they are already deemed as guilty, how the fuck does that happen?

I am approximately 120 in weight, I barely wear make-up because I just don’t see the reason to waste that time, I don’t wear the most fashionable clothes as again I just don’t see the point, and nine times outta ten, my paychek is gone before it even hits my bank account because well, us unfortunates had to start paying more in rent, in taxes, in food cost, in just about everything, and you wonder why there are so many homeless people. We are not getting enough from what we do to even start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to keep watching everyone and our surroundings on a 24 hour bases with no let up because you just never know who or why a person can come out of nowhere and take it all away from you.

I encourage you all, who have no freaking idea what it’s like to live on these streets, work long hours for companies that don’t appreciate a damn thing you do, who have to constantly worry about their safety, and is just so completely full of pain and anger because if you could just figure out a way to help all of those in pain, show them that there may not be any good people out here any more, but I am a one in a million and would be glad to help in “ANY AND EVERY WAY,” that I can, I will/would. I wish I could win the lottery, or find away to make really good money because I deserve it, I don’t expect hand outs, I WILL work for everything given to me, and I would open a home to these homeless women, families, men that just need a strong, well developed program fully funded, community that will hold their hands, walk them through the steps and be there as a community to celebrate in a healthy way their accomplishments. Sure there are shelters and such but they NEED and DESERVE more.

Help me raise awareness, just like the raise in awareness of everything else…. I wish I had a zilaphone that I could shout into, every single day to get them the help they need. I refuse to sit here, continue to walk past them, avoiding them like so many people do! Put yourself in their shoes, take just a few moments and really see how you would feel if you were to ever fall that low! Don’t say it wont or can’t happen to you, because you know what, 4 1/2 years ago I said the exact same thing, I promised myself I wouldn’t allow it to happen and I did, but I am grateful that I did because someone has got to fight!

Understanding The Five Stages of Grief: Grief Knows no Timeline — MoMmy of an Angel

Grief is a common experience throughout life. Most, if not all, people will experience it at least once in their own lifetime. Grief is ugly. It’s days of neglecting your personal hygiene, damaging the relationships you have, finding life unfulfilling and dissatisfying. Most of all grief is pain. It is the heartbreak from losing something […]

Understanding The Five Stages of Grief: Grief Knows no Timeline — MoMmy of an Angel


Photo by Jaime Reimer on Pexels.com

Finally at the age of 37, I have come to realize that I have spent all this time focusing in on all the wrong things and a huge part of me feels like I was literally robbed of many things I could have done with myself. I, have robbed myself of all the endless opportunities to have more out of life, how the heck does that happen? It’s kind of an ill feeling if you ask me but we all know that we can’t go back in time so now what?

Growing up we heard and probably still do that life is short and to learn to appreciate all the little things because you will regret it if you don’t. I heard it so much that I would get angry when I heard it, and I retaliated by doing the exact opposite just to prove a point and I made a disaster of my life instead. I kick myself often because I would or should have done so many things different.

Through out that time I never really took much time to appreciate the many small things in life, I always focused on the goal driven tasks I gave myself and thats all I focused on. Unfortunately for me, I was money driven. I worked my self to death, with various jobs because without money, we wont make it vary far. I devoted myself to a company, was given several promotions, missed all birthdays and holidays, I gave it my everything and come to realize none of that work meant anything to those I did it for, so why do we do it?

Back in 2018, I discovered a new love for life, I discovered what it was like to travel to various states, see various cultures and how people spend time, how different life was beyond Wisconsin. If you have never traveled beyond your home state, the first time that you do, you just want to see everything because it is so beautiful, and different. I fell in love with the open road and its unknown paths, and now its all I think about.

In four years, my wife and I have managed to travel to roughly 35 states, seen some gorgous places, discovered so much and I just want more. I have never felt so high on life before hitting the road, the feelings are intoxicating and very, very addicting.

It was during this time that I realized that I needed to make some much needed adjustments in my life, it opened my eyes and it really was my own self theropy. While these last four years have not been the easiest by any means, I am extremely grateful for the experiences because I really needed to make these self discoveries, I really needed to figure out just was the heck I wanted to do with myself and now I know. I just need to put in a little more time.

My main point in all of this is that with how nasty our world is getting, how much struggle and pain we all are going through, we can do it, and if you are willing to fight hard like I am, you can do it. I would like to buy a small camper and travel, meet people, share my life with them, listen to them and just simply enjoy all that life has to offer, because at the end of the day, we all end up in the same location. Why not enjoy the ride, why make it so complicating. If there is something you want to do or gain out of life, don’t think about it, figure out what it is you gotta do and do it, if you need a hand, I will help guide you! Value your life and do what makes you happy, because otherwise you will end up like me and regret that you didnt.